ONCE A MONTH...

I am a bigger bitch (like the dog in the photo). I hate being a girl! About a week before I bleed like a stuck pig (sorry for the graphic), I get a little f'ing needy. This was pointed out to me by David, which pissed me off more because he is the king of me...me...me! So if I'm a grouch this week, ignore me, blow me off or walk away: if you're brave, stay around! I don't guarantee that I get any nicer, but I do get better.

I'm sitting here drinking a beer and thinking it's arts &crafts time and that I'm kinda hungry...but not committed to anything, and a little lonely (I got text spoiled)! So, it's 7:30pm and I might just go to bed...not sleep, just bed! Today I'm a little tired of the world.

STRENGTH IN NUMBERS

Most of you know I'm running two blogs right now: this one and my fundraising blog. I cross back and forth between the two. If you want my full picture, check out the other site.

Today was a great one, really...started with a call from the bank fraud department, followed by a day of the usual except for one phone call: "I just came from the doctor. He said he was sorry to tell me this but"...and another friend joined our hideous club. CANCER SUCKS! I can not reiterate this often enough or loud enough.

When HRC said, "It takes a village to raise a child", I wonder if she realized how far that phrase could go. I say, "It will take every village to eradicate cancer", and I keep fighting it. I fight it for me, and for my beloved Tante and for my darling friend G and for everyone who has been diagnosed, or ever may be diagnosed with any form of cancer.

On a lighter note, I got to see my friend Colleen last night and tonight, for the first time in an embarrassing numbe of months. I'm so glad your summer is peaceful and that you can relax and walk/run with me! Happy birthday to Sandy on Monday!xo

Happy Birthday to sweet Aimee on Monday also...she's going to DISNEYLAND!

And as a reminder to the mouska-chicks: 3 weeks until August 7th...be sure you have the day off, cause it's my birthday and WE'RE GOING TO DISNEYLAND!! WOO HOO!!!

Hey Bucket, Bucket, Bucket: it's ice cream sundae time!!!

Wanna laugh: I met a guy...online...crap. That's all I gotta say. Oh, that and...oh...my...god.

What else: I-man is being relatively well behaved, as are his friends. Buster won't stop barking at Flea...does anyone way a sweet bunny rabbit who is about 5 months old and you must love him and cuddle him and let him run every day. If you want him, he needs a better home then Buster being an ass to him. Marley is Marley: it's a good thing he's cute and I love him, because when he ate my new cell phone recently, I wanted to slam him through a wall! Bruiser is still my little angel: he hides, often in the living room where the other two boys can't go. We have no idea how old Bruiser is...we got him used 6 years ago and he was probably 4-5 then.

Life is peaceful. No Onc appt for another month...these are small blessings.

Tomorrow is the Orange County Mud Run..can't wait!

Love and hugs,
S

WHO'S YER DADDY...and other thoughts!

Today is Father's Day. If you are a good father, or if you have a good father, or if you're married to a man who is a good father: these are some of the best things! Happy Father's Day to those who do it right, and to those who will one day.

We didn't take pictures today...it was enough to be together, though the two 20 y/o boys were not with us. We did have the most delicious brunch, and a very peaceful visit. My daddy wasn't quite right, which worries me. Most of you know he did the pneumonia/hospital thing not that long ago, and that this cold/flu thing has been with him for the past 3 weeks. My mommy was distressed, which distresses me...but I have big shoulders! My butthead sis went home with back issues. It was quiet, and nice.

I am starting to stress Seattle, and I'm so excited I'm counting the days! I will have my darling friends there, but they are doing the half and I'm gonna have to hustle my ass to beat my SD time. As I sit here typing, I'm loading music on the ipod I bought ages ago to connect with that fancy nike+ sensor. My brain is in pack mode and my head is pounding. IF you're wondering about my Seattle plans, I'm there for NO TIME AT ALL! Arrive Friday morning and head to the Expo to p/u race packet...wander through Pike Place on the way back to the hotel, then to the pasta party and back to the room to lay out clothes for the race. Saturday morning: 4am shuttles to buses to Tukwila for start line...marathon starts at 7am. Finish race, suck down water/bananas/BEER/everything in site...back to hotel for a cold shower, soma and a nap. Saturday evening: Tini Bigs for a bloody mary martini (Lisa, you would LOVE this place), Belltown pizza for a house pie with my friend Laura, and asleep by WHENEVER! Sunday: wander downtown, and leave way too early...my heart will break. Better 2 days than none at all!

xo

MARATHONS ARE FOR CRAZY PEOPLE...

San Diego R&R marathon recap: Long before I actually finish a marathon, my body is complaining. My hips hurt, my feet hurt, I can't get out of my own head, Becka's knee is swollen to an unnatural size...and yet we continue. Because I can't believe how blessed I am to be able to do this. Because I have great friends to do this with. Because this little 22,000 person race raised over $8 million for LLS research and patient services. Because until there is NO CANCER of any kind on this earth, I must support. Because it helps to make my ass smaller.

Becka and I finished our race in 6:30:10, which was just about our goal. It was her first full, and my second. And we finished just before our dear friend and awesome walking coach Jeri. I meet the coolest people through TnT! We did 5:2 intervals for about 13 miles, before my body started screaming in protest!

I actually took m's&m's from a person with a bowl full of them, and pretzels from a little girl with a bowl full...I would NEVER think to do such a thing normally, but at some point my brain ceased to function...and everything became laughable! I forgot names, and mile markers and and when Becka said we had to run at the end...I almost forgot how to do that!

Cross the finish line...cry and hug your girls! This is required...who will be there to hug me at the end of Seattle? Grab your medal, grab 2 waters and guzzle. Grab the best tasting banana you've ever had and EAT! Find the TnT tent to check in...then find the beer garden (2 free, please and thank you). Back to the TnT tent for yummy chips and delicious pb&j, then to the car to completely change clothing before hitting SONIC (my first ever) and then driving home. Home by 7:15pm, shower soma and percocet, in bed by 8:00 and asleep instantly...aaahhhh!

However, today is 4 days post-race and I'm still in tired, recovery mode...and gearing up for Seattle on June 27th. I love this life.

And on a side note: I have to buy a new car, and I'm having some issues and life is more than a little stressful. I'm somewhere between really okay and really not, and coping is marginal. If we're talking and I seem distracted, it isn't you...it is me. I'm working pretty hard to hang on, and am trying to let go of the things I can't control...which is impossible for me. Every day I say silent prayers and send white light: for the people I love, and for people who don't have it so great, and for people who are deserving of prayers...I never really thought I'd need my own prayers, but here I am. This isn't a whine, this is just me at the moment.

Overall, I'm fairly blessed!
xo

THE COOLEST CHICKS...

Last night was the send off dinner for our LA Marathon and SD RnR Marathoners...LA runs this coming Monday and San Diego on the 31st. One more send off for the Seattle RnR Marathon (June 27th), and the Spring/Summer season is in the bag! (And although I'm not a participant for LA, I suspect I'll do part of it with our teammates as we cheer them on, as well as doing SD and Seattle.)

Last night was also the start of our Fall team's social season, having had kickoff last weekend and first practice this coming weekend.

And the women above...both teams. Julie, Audrey and Becka are strong and dynamic and funny. They are passionate and interesting and diverse. When the second party ended...it was the four of us: conversation went from the lunacy of this marathon addiction to the insanity of radiation and chemo, to the pictures sent if on a certain dating website (other hand, Julie). We also discussed fundraising, men, cancer and moms...a very well rounded evening.

I'm pretty sure one of the funniest parts of the evening was about 11:30 when I mentioned to Becka that I was tired (we rode together). We got up to leave and Audrey yelled at us, "SIT DOWN, I'M NOT DONE." I'm so gonna have to use that one of these days!

I probably would not have met these women, if it were not for my Team in Training family... I feel so blessed to have them, and for my sweet friend Bucket who sucked me into this world of training and fundraising and fun!

Julie and Audrey and Becka... I love calling you my friends. I love that you are my family. You inspire me!
xo

FINALLY FRIDAY

This is a Mother's Day photo. My nephew surprised his mama and came home...my little baby was on good behavior. Ian will be 20 in 11 days...there are no words for the adventure that has brought us here.

Last night Bucket and I went for ice cream, but not just ice cream...she had a banana split and I had a warm brownie sundae...OMG! Total comfort food, and total comfort conversation.

Sitting and talking to Bucket reminded me about being true to myself...the me that needs friends, but not the people who make me sad.

So today I set myself free, once again. This one doesn't feel good... it feels a little sad and empty. But I know when to say when and instead of drawing it out too long...I'm doing it now, before it becomes BAD!!!

In search of the one who is not only great in all ways, but can pick up a phone or send a text...just to touch base. The one who is available more then once every week or so.

I want to be a priority in someone's life other then my own...not the only priority, just A priority.

A SELFISH POSTING...

This one is for me. Not because it's important to document but because if I get it out of my head perhaps I'll sleep tonight.

Tomorrow afternoon I see the Onc, and I am having the most fucked up thoughts in my head. Usually I'm pretty good, but not so much this time. And I hate that about me... about the witches from whence I came.

So, if I write it down it's supposed to go away, right? Or ease my...WHATEVER! Where do I go if I can't escape my head? If I can't run from the squirrels who are running on the wheel that won't let my brain stop? Well, I'm thinking this is a great night to catch up on dvr and clean house.

I had to write this down so I could see how stupid I'm being...