HAPPY...

Holidays to everyone I love. If you're reading this and you know I love you, know that I wish you and your family a new year filled with great health, great contentment, great joy, and a reasonable level of non-stress... and a little prosperity couldn't hurt! If you're reading this and either know I don't like you, or are here even though I don't want you here... Happy New Year and GO AWAY!

I never wish bad...I just wish the peeps I love all that is good!
xo

life

Today I am listening to what my innerds have been saying all week (which isn't good, because my innerds have been a bit flu-ish). Anyway, here is my list of things/ people I'd like to do without (your list is probably different):

• having the Oncologist as one of my regularly scheduled visits, and wishing that the frequency went to longer between instead of shorter


• metal in my body, which actually gets cold in the cold weather, and causes me to stiffen up like an old person in the cold


• the man who does not realize how very lucky he is that I love him at all, and that I have not ever sat in judgement...just tried to be Jiminy Cricket


• the man who does not realize that I'm really what I am, and that I will never be more then that for him...because I just don't care


• the Trader Joe's that has become such a Corporation that they don't care about the fact that they are responsible for my injury and that I will never again be able to do anything having to do with physical labor...and therefore they fired me! For the first time since my injury I will say this: TRADER JOE'S SUCKS!

Here are some good things:

• I can get up every morning, and drive through my fabulous Starbuck's


• My baby boy has an adorable girlfriend, and they know that sex will get them both killed (if not by me, by her 3 older brothers)


• My house may not be finished, but I am putting it back together


• Today is our office holiday party, so we get to leave early for lunch, and then we are being treated to a massage or facial (my choice, as I trust no one with my aches and pains)


• Tomorrow I get to do the SM-Venice 10k with Tara (will miss Becka), then meet Ian and his girl so she can meet the grandparents, then to the nail shop holiday party, then to the OC for the sis' B&K

A few complaints, but life is lovely!

Happy Friday to all, xo

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME...

It is not actually my brithday, but today is the 1st anniversary of my first of 2 back surgeries...tomorrow is the 1st anniversary of my 2nd back surgery. And this is a picture of Colleen visiting me in the hospital on day 6 of my stay: I smelled bad, but she got close anyway (she loves me).

It was the Monday and Tuesday after Thanksgiving last year, and it was the scariest thing I'd ever done, but also my only choice...I could not live my life like that. And I had 100% confidence in my surgeon, Dr. Thomas Hopkins in Encino (yes, this is my plug for him).

Since those days 1 year ago I:

• went on a family cruise (this was a hoot)
• received final divorce papers (OMG...how fabulous)
• started walking
• was diagnosed with melanoma
• had surgery and got all of the cancer removed
• visit the dermatologist and oncologist every 3 months
• walked a marathon (26.2 miles)
• raised $4100.00 for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society
• lost 33 lbs
• am mentoring new Team in Training participants, and am preparing for many half and full marathon events
• have a boss who rocks/ have a sis-in-law who is really a sis
• have a family others would LOVE to have (and they share well)

My life is so blessed. I hope you and your family have the blessing of time together this holiday season... and if it isn't the family you're born into, I hope it's the family you've created.

Love, hugs and Happy Thanksgiving to all,

S

PATHETIC!

It has been one month since my last post, but really a lifetime!

After much cursing and anger (me), and many phone calls back and forth (again, me)... I made it to San Francisco... finally got into a hotel room, and finally got registered for the Marathon. The weekend was perfect, except for one thing: the pink Nike wall. Every participant was listed on that wall...I will be next year! Everyone should have the opportunity to feel, at least once in their life, the way I felt at the end of the Marathon; not the overwhelming exhaustion, but the overwhelming sense of accomplishment. One year ago this month, I could not have accomplished this awesome task, and feel quite humbled by the experience.

The following weekend was the Ontario Expo, and hanging out with the "G" chicas. The posse that is so cool, I'm not sure how I got lucky enough to be included. OMG: what a FABulous group of women! You all surely lighten my heart when ever we're together! And the weekend after this was a "G" crop...oh, 2 weekends in a row: SCORE! xo

Good thing I thought to vote by mail because on 11/3, when they sucked out 1 ovarian cyst, 1 ovary and one fallopian tube I was going nowhere for a few days. It's amazing: first that they can suck all that shit out of 2 tiny holes, and then that that ittie-bittie surgery knocked me on my ass for days! Apparently the doctor inserted a bag into my abdomen and bagged the cyst before popping it, so that any cancer wouldn't spread...but it was benign, so all is GREAT!

I completely missed election day, and only vaguely remember David telling me that Obama is our new President, before I rolled over and continued my very long sleep. I am fascinated by the process, and hope that you all made the choice to vote...I told Ian that unless you vote, you have no right to voice your opinion. For my darling friends: 8 sucks, and we will continue to fight to overturn it... I truly believe it was a twist on words, or is that me being naive?

I saw the doctor yesterday for a follow-up. He proclaimed himself a brilliant surgeon. My grandmother would have told him to be careful not to break his arm, patting himself on the back so much. Grammy was surely a tough cookie, but fiercely protective and quick witted...she was truly a Frankel woman, and I'm proud to follow in those footsteps. Then I headed to Topanga for some retail therapy: I LOVE H&M (even if I do size up on their silly European-sized pants)!

Today was my first full day back at work, and my butt is kicked. I'm still working on putting the house together. Perhaps by New Year?

I'm back with Team in Training for the Spring season...we're training for a variety of events, including the Carlsbad Half, the Surf City Marathon, etc. L.A. was just switched to summer, since as of yesterday they moved it to Memorial weekend: I won't do it, as 4 weeks later I'll be in Seattle for the inaugural Rock & Roll Marathon (SO me-ish)! When did I stop being a sidelines girl and start being an ATHLETE?

Join us! Call me and join the team! OR don't join the team, and come do events with me: City of Angels, Carlsbad, Surf City...I know there are more, but I can't keep track!

We are 16 days from Thanksgiving. Today I am thankful for being cancer-free and pain-free. I am blessed.

NEED...IRISH...CAR...BOMB...NOW!

Phone call at 4pm today: "We don't have your registration; you don't have a space in the Marathon and there is not a single space available, and no plane and no hotel...".

Most of you know my mouth! To say I held my tongue would be putting it mildly... except that the person who received my venom doesn't know that that was me being restrained. He's new to our team and just took over a few weeks ago and suffered my wrath, even at a minimal level. I know I can be very...vocal/ honest/ brutal/ unfiltered (perhaps my next tatt)! I actually felt badly that I slightly unleashed on him (he's awfully cute and seems like a great guy), and actually apologized (ok, pick up your chins off the floor), and so I stopped myself before I went full tilt!

Leaving work in about 15 minutes to have my first car bomb in about 10 months. I KNOW: I won't drive for a while. Who needs retail therapy when liquid therapy will work and is infinitely cheaper! Lucky I can't drink much!

Great weekend all! xo

TODAY: YEAH!!! Yesterday: TGI over!

It's Thursday, and today started great... I got Metallica tix for the Forum on December 17th. I get to go with Ian and one of his buddies, and we're on the floor... can you say "Mosh Pit". Most of you know how I LOVE live music!

Yesterday I melted down! Thank you to C and to my mommy for listening to me fall apart... everything was too much and I wasn't handling it well.

Even though this is a short week work-wise, it sure is crawling. And it doesn't help that my entire house is upside down and I have so much stuff in the garage there is room for only one car. What was I thinking, tiling the ENTIRE house all at once? Every room is torn up, and no one room is complete...this is the true definition of purgatory!

To everyone with school kids, happy back-to-school! I hate the end of summer, but I adore Fall! Can't wait for cool days and wind!

xo to all

enough hours in any day...

I feel like I'm not catching up. And out of the other side of my mouth I say: life is so peaceful! I say this as I prepare to head off to the Bowl for a lovely evening with Jamie Cullum, and David. We haven't been this summer, and we LOVE Jamie Cullum and the Bowl, so this is a necessary break. Oh, and we bought the tickets forever ago, so it's one of those things that sneaks up on you! I love the picnic thing...and the wine thing...and the under the stars thing! What could be bad?

The tile guy starts next week, but might be here this weekend to demo, and I'm still packing to get everything off the floor...it took me 2 days to pack Ian's room, and don't even ASK about the crap I found in that black hole! Ian and his best bud know they are due here Saturday to move furniture... I can move a lamp, and not much else!

My room, not a problem; the kitchen not a problem, the dining room... the living room... not a problem! The office/workroom: EEEEEEEEEEEKKKK! This room that has our desks and computers and scrapbook supplies and workbench...OMG! The quantity of furniture in this room is frightening...and we're getting glass desks from M&D in the next 2 weeks as they prepare to redo their office...SCORE!

Tomorrow night is nails, so in to Inglewood I go, but will hang with the folks afterward! And I still need to pick grout that matches the tile and the wood. And Saturday is a 10k, so we'll be done quickly...will be at the Rose Bowl, so might have to hit Roscoe's after...we will have earned it!

My quest to return to TJ's continues... if I could get paid to not work I would, but as of now I still need the money, and the benefits rock. Not to mention, because I've lost so much "in" time, I have one more year until I'm 100% vested. I will not rant for too long, but they broke me and need to take more responsibility then they are. They have become a corporation, and in this case that is a very dirty word.

Bucket and I went to the Comedy Store the other night to see her friend, and about 10 others for $5.00. Sadly, I think we overpaid!

Where did August go? I was so busy, I blinked and it's gone.

September brings the deadline for my first circle journal shipment...crap, that's soon! It also brings an 18 mile day and a 20 mile day. EASY CHEESY! September also brings lots of great new Creative Memories products...check out my site: www.mycmsite.com/susiecomi. September also brings another FUNDRAISING CROP - SEPTEMBER 20TH. Email me if you'd like details!

October..OMG: My office is moving the last weekend of September right before Rosh Hashanah and Inspiration Unlimited; Yom Kippur, the Nike Marathon and the Ontario Expo. OY!

November will be the surgery to remove that darned cyst. It had better be laproscopic surgery, or you'll hear me screaming on the right coast.

Enough of my babble... love to you all.

I wish this didn't sound like bragging...

So many of you know how unhappy I was with my weight. Gotta love a guy who doesn't mention how fat you get when he knows you have no control, but I hated buying the next size up!

Anyway, since I was about 13, even at my thinnest I was a size 10: Jewish hips and thighs all the way...and truly built like a Frankel! But yesterday mom and I went shopping... and all of the pants that fit are a SIZE 8. Seriously...wanted to wear the tag on the outside; called my sis and giggled.

Sadly, a lot of my friends are struggling right now, and I got ya. I feel a little bad blogging this, but this is MY life right now, and I recognize YOUR struggles, too. I love you all and want to support you the way you have me!

Here's to the size we ARE, the size we WANT to be, and the true size we CAN be!

It Takes a Long Time 2 b 46...

Yup, it's my b'day and I'm 46. Shocking; I don't feel like whatever 46 is, and certainly can't fathom how I got here! But it sure feels good!

ALL I DO...

This could be a general rant, or perhaps directed: you decide.

Surprisingly, I am too giving. I give and I do and I do and I do...and while it is indeed the case that everything isn't always 50/50, I would like back more then 5% once every 2-3 months. I must go back to that recent question...am I an embarrassment? I actually think that today, I give!

I am a pretty awesome woman! Just ask me; I'll tell ya! And if there is any doubt, I'll freaking tell you again!

I'VE THOUGHT THIS THROUGH...

and although Bucket is worried, it's a wait and see game! If the blood test comes up clear for cancer, which it will, I have the serious questions...I have a marathon to do! I can't chance the dr. having to slice me open because he can't do this surgery laproscopically...have I said FUDGE yet?

I've never had an ovarian cyst...that I know of. Perhaps this one has been there a long time, or not. I don't know much about them, but I have many questions and would love straight answers! I'm tired of peeps without MD after their name telling me everything they know about...whatever my schtick of the moment is...and BTW: if you know someone who DIED of an ovarian cyst, keep it to yourself!

When did I become the cancer girl? Oh yeah, on April 25th. It is truly amazing how life swings.

I have a "HISTORY"...

How do I know this, you ask? Well, because the GYN I just saw said to me, "With your history, I would remove the cyst in your ovary...it's large and we can't be too careful...now go for an Ovarian Cancer screening and call my nurse on Thursday to schedule surgery." He also said that he was planning to do it laproscopically, but may have to open me up it he runs into any problems. FUDGE! FUDGE! FUDGE! And if my foul language insulted you, ya probably don't belong reading me!

Just Another Day...

Today we walked 10 miles. I hope you'll check out my Nike Marathon blog. Yes, I am a little nuts!

I recently saw Juls, who looks amazing and is glowing like that light from the Luxor! And Crystle, who has lots of good stuff coming soon (check out www.magisticalmemories.com)!

Summer is peaceful and a reminder to take it easy. I hope you're all doing just that.

Please take a moment to say prayers for all in need...I've learned of 2 more in the past 24 hours and firmly believe positive energy will clear the proper path.

Love and hugs.

CRAZY WITH THE HEAT?

Is that a reasonable explanation as to why I am going to walk the Nike Women's Marathon on October 19th in San Francisco? Or that Team in Training (TiT) raises $$ for leukemia and lymphoma research and that 75% of the money I raise goes directly to research? Perhaps it's the rush I get from doing something I never thought was in my future...and certainly NOT, as I lay in the hospital 7 1/2 months ago! Is it that cancer hit me 2 months ago? Maybe that my darling friend Janice is a success story, or that my darling Tante is just starting her battle.

I have no explanation, just a compulsion to be successful! And that I'll be doing this with Melinda and with Bucket makes it so much sweeter.

I will be 46 years old and controlling my life...sometimes I love being me! I am so content.

Prayers and Babies and Tile, oh my...

First, before I whine, I want to celebrate a very darling friend of mine. We are friends. I don’t know her well, and yet I consider her a true friend…one I can be completely honest with, and know that she’ll get it! And I’m being secretive because I have no clue who knows…that she is pregnant! This fabulous woman is just a bit younger than me, and having twins! She knows how happy I am for her family, and how very envious I am of her…but it couldn’t happen to a more wonderful family. Wishing you an easy pregnancy! Know that I’m available to babysit, and/or come over and bring you a little sanity (and cuddle one or both of your new babies), and help with the older one if she’ll have it!

And I also have to mention that my fabulous Tante is in the hospital…I would probably never ask for prayers for myself, but I must ask for prayers for her…PLEASE!

I’ve thought about going into hiding, but can’t seem to see the benefit at the moment! My doctor released me, and part of my life is in limbo… what is in store for me is so unknown; I want to bury my head in the sand for just a little bit! What balls I have to whine with all that goes on in this world...but it is mine.

Sadly, I am not 100%. Although I can walk many miles, my hips pay for it when I climb into bed…they ache and I can’t get comfortable for many hours, even with Soma and Norco (and don’t even ask about s..). Walking up inclines is not “simple”, and I have to consciously shorten my steps in order to navigate hills. Funny, my back is great, but because of the long delay of treatment and the fact that I walked “funny” to compensate for the back pain, my left hip is not so funny! I still can’t sleep on my left side, which is how I always slept until surgery sucked that away! This is me whining, and I won’t apologize…between this and cancer shit, I’m a little spent recently!

Ian is kicking ass at his second job. He is getting the opportunity to see how people should be treated at work, and how ridiculously full of drama the other job really is! But the new job is helping him to just do the other job and not buy into the BS! He spends some nights at my folks’ house since they live 6 miles from SM, instead of the 18+ from here. He is very happy.

I do miss him, though my house is when I get home, as I left it in the morning. No dishes in the sink; no added laundry, and food in the fridge. I do miss him, but this is not a bad thing!

I am about to undertake the research of tile for my home. Any input from friends would be greatly appreciated! If you have a great tile person, or a great company you’ve dealt with…I’d love your help! And if someone has a spouse or sibling or relative who does this for a living, I’d love to give him or her the business if they’re competitive! Also, wood blinds…not shutters!

This is a short catch up, so hi all and Happy Summer!

Love ya!

3a.m.

Yes, it's 3am on Saturday morning. Ian got home from his new job at 2:30am, and went off to TJ's to start at 4am. Oh, to be 19! BUt since he has been gone, he had to come home and tell me all about it...at 2:30am (not like I was sleeping)!

Ian got a job testing video games for a major manufacturer. He works in Santa Monica, Monday through Friday, from 5:30pm - 2:00am. He is so proud to have gotten the job himself! And he is staying with my folks during the week, since they live only 5 mi away, to save $ on gas. My house is lonely, but I never come home to dishes in the sink now!

I get to pack my car in about 4 hours to head to a G crop, which is always fun! I'm extremely bugged that my CM order, which I paid extra for 2-day shipping on, didn't arrive yesterday as promised...CRAP! It means I'll have to ship pre-orders and pay extra shipping, instead of hand-delivering today. SHIT!

Today C's baby girl graduates High School. It is the most amazing feeling, to watch your child leave behind a life of obligated education...no choice, just do it! It's also amazing to remember the little girl who so many years ago played on the beach with Ian for hours, and to reconcile that to this beautiful young woman. My most sincere congrats, love and hugs to the entire E-O fam.

Finally, dinner tomorrow night with..... what was I thinking when I said yes? Well, my last and final and never again...I just can't. Too creepy. Too weird. Quite simply, I am not that likable... move the hell on!

Oh, and since I didn't walk yesterday, I'm overdue...SHIT!

Great weekend all!
xo

ARE THOSE YOUR FAT JEANS???

I am actually thankful for this question. This may sound like an awful question, but it made me feel really great...sort of. As I got dressed this morning, this was the question I was asked, as my favorite jeans were so loose they could be slipped off even buttoned and zipped. They in fact, are not my "fat jeans", but are my favorite jeans and are now too big enough that they will be washed and exiled to the back of my closet. I have loved and worn these jeans for about 6 years even during my thin times, except for approximately September 2007 - March 2008, when I was indeed wearing fat jeans, that I had to go out and buy! My fav pair are Lucky brand; low-rise, decent through the thighs, butter soft and more than long enough for dansko's or platforms...they are my friends! So, I can't just give them away...they will sleep in the back of the closet with my fav overalls until I decide what to do with the denim...because it is my intention to never fit in them again.

Since I haven't caught up recently, here it is:

This past Tuesday I saw the dermatologist... he said all of the "things" on my body were of no concern (something to be thankful for, since I am seriously Caucasian and did the baby oil thing growing up). This past Thursday (1 week after surgery) the surgeon removed the external sutures. He still doesn't have the pathology report, so no answers there but he isn't concerned. The oncologist isn't concerned either! Saw her on Thursday, also...scheduled an ultrasound to check the cyst in my ovary that the found on the PET scan...and that's it, until I see the onc and the derm in August.

The surgeon taped up where he removed the sutures with surgical tape and super glue...it's more uncomfortable now than it was with sutures, and it isn't terribly comfortable to walk! However, it doesn't stop me, it just slows me down a little! I am probably allergic to the tape...will deal with it manana.

Yesterday was my niece's college grad party...so much fun and so awesome to see everyone! I love my huge family, and am so thankful that they came into our lives! This is the family that are the G'nicks and DB's...and the P-lo's that are new to the fam! It was wonderful to have some of the daddy-family clan together...we never do, and it makes me sad! As the fam has grown, we've had to fragment, instead of doing the group holidays of my childhood.

Today is gorgeous...as I arrived home this morning I got C's text to walk...okay, 5 mi it is. And later I'm meeting the SIL to walk again. I will never be a tootsie roll pop, or a q-tip or whatever you call those girls, but it's ridiculous for my ego when someone actually refers to me as "thin". It keeps my ass going out there! It's also sanity...I can think; I can space, and we can solve the problems of the world! I am so thankful that I can do this, and thankful to Bucket for getting me out there the first few times! Today Bucket did the SD R&R Marathon...hope you kicked butt friend...now get your ass back out walking with us!

Finally, my Bro and SIL loaned me their extra vehicle (mine is still in the freaking shop), a Yukon SUV. I've never driven one, and other than finding space to parallel park, this is an amazingly comfortable ride! It doesn't even feel like I'm driving a monster truck! If it weren't for the fact that gas is now $4.29/ gal and that it doesn't fit in my garage, this would be an awesome vehicle!

It's 1:30 on Sunday... I've spent the past 2 hours on the patio, reading the paper and letting the boys lay in the sun. I've just spent 20 minutes doing this. Now it's time to continue laundry, clean the bedroom and chill...before going walking again!

I hope you all have a magnificent Sunday, and that you can find at least one thing to be thankful for today. xo

OUCH!

Have I mentioned that cancer sucks? Well, forgive me for being repetitive.

Yesterday I took myself and had that thing cut out of my left inner thigh. It hurt at times, which reminded the doc that he needed to numb me more (especially when I loudly said, "what the F." And when he was done the end result was a little ugly, but not so hideous I'll have to name it. And it was fine...until the numbing crap wore off. It hurts! A lot!

Today...it still hurts a lot! I am limping because it hurts to step down with that leg, but I guess it's better then the alternative. And you're probably thinking, "stop whining." Okay, I'm done! Thank you to all who have offer assistance, support, and even Sprinkles cupcakes!

So I'm laying here watching tv, because 2 silly 30 year old boys figured out how to hook up the xbox 360 to a 100" screen tv. Just a reminder that they get older, but never grow up! But I must admit, I like this laptop in bed thing...it could become an awful habit.

Tomorrow I'm looking forward to hanging with some of my fav chicas (though some are traveling), and hitting the farmer's market. Sleeping in on Sunday and Monday. Celebrating Ian's 19th b'day on Monday...how did that happen? You have got to love a kid who knows what he wants: mongolian bbq from the place we've been going for more than 25 years!

To all: enjoy the long weekend. Take a moment to remember those who continue to fight for our freedoms, and those who have paid the ultimate price.

love and hugs

CANCER SUCKS!

Today my friend April gave up a kidney, to cancer! I hope they got it all and that her aliens have left the building!

I just got a call from David that his Aunt Kaye is dying (COPD)...this has happened for her very quickly, much more quickly than I expected.

Tomorrow my dear Wendela goes in for a little thing...I know in my heart it will be clear, but it's still a thing.

I don't give up, but this is all a little too real and a lot scary for me right now...I can feel myself shutting down as I write this. Yup, a little scared. But trust me, still angry as shit and fighting back!

Mom's Day, Good Stuff and Sucky Things...

MOM'S DAY
First, let me wish all my girlies a Happy Mother's Day...whether you have 2 legged children or 4 legged children; whether you are or aren't a "mom", but are a supportive friend or daughter, enjoy this day!

I am not the fan of the Mother's Day thing... this is my 18th one as a mum and I can still remember the ONE Mother's Day that truly made me happy! It was spent on the veranda at our Issaquah house sitting in the sun (irony?), reading the Sunday paper and chatting with the people I love. It's amazing how much life has changed since that Mother's Day, and how much richer my life is now. I continue to remember, almost daily, how that move to Washington reshaped who I am; how it brought me to so many amazing friends and experiences, and how it changed my perception of "home".

To my Mommy: You are beautiful. You are graceful and elegant and well-mannered and so much fun to be around. And you are about as cute as they come! You sure have gotten younger as I've gotten older. I love you.

GOOD STUFF
Happy Birthday today to my butthead sister, Ba. When mom and dad rescued you from the puppy farm they picked well! I love you huge.

Happy Birthday Sunday to my darling friend Bucket, who is also a mama. I hope your day is filled with love and fun and that everyone spoils you like crazy! I can't wait to hear all about it... on our walks this week!!!

I talked to my cousin Rachel (who had the same back surgery as me) today. She sounds great and was itching to go home...hope it happened, kiddo! I'll be by to see you soon, and give you a few tips for survival! Hope ya took suggestion #1 and stopped at Fantastic Sam's/SuperCuts and got the skunky hair washed!

Oh, and mazel tov to cousin Emily, who opened a new store today on Abbot Kinney: http://www.edensgreencloset.com/

SUCKY THINGS
Okay, enough with the cancer shit! April, tell them to be sure to get it all on Monday...no more alien invasions! And Kari, you know I'm praying for your mum. And you all know my attitude, but of course I'm noticing "things" so Monday will include a call to the dermatologist to do the full once-over. And to former (were you ever really truly a friend) acquaintance Jayme...I hope the biopsy shows nothing bad.

And Ba, I hope Margarita snaps out of it and that she is okay...late night ER vet visits suck and are always scary (and expensive)!

Oh, not to forget my Uncle Benji who had a "thing" this week...CUT THAT OUT!

ENDING ON A POSITIVE NOTE
Today was awesome! Nails in Inglewood...visit with the mommy and the daddy...stop to order the food for tomorrow...walk 4.8 miles...errands...visit Scrapbook Safari (the mecca of local scrapbook stores)...hang with Mel/Duh/Missy and walk another 5 miles an eat Persian food...and here I am.

I have a few projects that MUST be completed for manana, so off I go.

Love and hugs to all, and thank you for supporting me.
xo

ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO...SHARE:

First: Saw the surgeon yesterday. The PET scan showed that this melanoma had not spread. It did show I have a cyst in an ovary (nothing to worry about) and a few spots the Oncologist wants to peek at, but overall a very good scan! The surgeon will hack into my thigh on May 22nd (in-office procedure) and remove a chunk slightly smaller than Delaware. He will suture it and bandage it and I can't shower the next day (which is no big whoop since after back surgery I couldn't shower for 2 weeks)! And I'm sure walking will be a bit uncomfortable for a little while, so my walking buddies will tease me. By the way: my idiot son is disheartened...he wanted my leg amputated so he could call me Stumpy. Too bad, so sad!

Second: No, I haven't taken ownership of this cancer alien. Freaked out and concerned and sometimes scared, but no ownership! Clearly making some changes (bought a hat in SF and start my day with sunblock), and changing my walking attire (no more tank tops), but this alien will absolutely NOT survive IN me!

Third: Today my sweet little cousin Rachel had the same surgery I had in November. This is my shout out with wishes for a slow but steady recovery! Take the drugs if you're sore and give in to your body! Call me day or night with your questions and concerns. Love to you and the family!

Next: San Francisco should be illegal! No one should be allowed to have THAT MUCH FUN!!! We stayed at a little hotel (toilets, sinks and showers down the hall) in North Beach. We drank Irish Coffees at Buena Vista; ate chowder in bread bowls at Boudin, and walked and walked and walked! I am of the belief that wheeled transportation in SF is for weenies! We bought our lunch picnic at the farmer's market in front of the Ferry Bldg on Sat morning, and wandered everywhere, and ate our lunch under the dome by the Nordstrom in Union Square! We bought truffles at my cousin Dua's fav truffle shop in North Beach (XOX), and Ba had to see Ghirardelli Square. I can't wait to go back! OMG!

Finally: My darling friend Wendy had to put her sweet girl Kayla to sleep today. Kayla has been he companion for a very long time, and has been a blessing to all who knew her. Wendy, my arms are around you...I love you and wish you the fondest memories.

QUESTIONS ANSWERED:

Thanks to all for your concern and your offers of assistance. I really appreciate it and will truly take you up on your offers if needed.

I have had lots of questions thrown at me, and many the same so I'm answering here (questions in italics)

WTF? - right there with ya!

How did you get it there (left inner thigh)? - no freakin' clue, though Melinda read in her recent Cosmo that melanoma often shows there.

When is the PET scan? - I just got a call from the Imaging Center...my PET scan is tomorrow (Friday) morning. So, no walk today since they said no exercise. Today is all about water and protein. Apparently the stuff they inject is attracted to "sugar", so can't add any extra to the bod!

When did this happen? - I went to the dermatologist to remove a "thing" on 4/18... he told me about the melanoma on 4/25.

How come you didn't call me/tell me? - Because I didn't have answers. Because although I will tell you "it's all about me" and that "the world revolves around me", it isn't true and other people have much bigger crap to deal with. And because I might not have spoken to you since 4/25.

What can you do for me? - Don't be any nicer then you usually are!

So Ba and I are headed to San Francisco for the weekend...tomorrow afternoon. We plan to walk and walk and eat and drink a little and walk more. If you have a fav place in SF, pop me an email with the location!

Can you believe I'm missing National Scrapbook Day weekend? Well, I'm participating in a belated one May 16-18, but I wish all my Cropping sisters a great weekend!

FOR THE AVAILABLE CHICKS: We're doing A CABI party on May 8th...let me know if you can come and I'll send you the info.

Hugs and love to all,
Susie

Working toward "HA" right back!

I saw the Oncologist today. She was very nice, and very matter of fact. She told me that she believes the cancer was caught early. She believes that because of the size of the melanoma (0.48mm) and the "margin" (1mm), that it is localized. She believes that the Dermatologist got it all, but that the Surgeon will take a little more, just to be safe. They drew blood for a test to detect melanoma cells. And then I met Colleen for a much-needed walk; and then I stayed and walked with my brother and sis-in-law.

The next step is a PET scan...oh yeah! Sign me up for something where they inject radioactive crap into my body and then do a full body scan! And then surgery...housekeeping at the site, inject dye near the site to filter into the lymph nodes so they can take a node out and look at it right there in surgery to see if the melanoma spread. OH YEAH!!!

This is definitely a bugger! It has me seriously pissed off, and certainly concerned with the occasional scared. These days I live for my walks, so this may throw me for a few. Remember that anger is a much more effective emotion than sad or scared...anger is energy!

Thank you ALL for being supportive. I am beyond blessed to have amazing friends and family, and so many of you have offered to assist with anything, just as so many of you offered 5 months ago when I had surgery. I really will ask if I need help, but Ian is sort of working on stepping up...and for now I'm just living my life to the fullest! When I'm struggling, I will definitely holler!

Feel free to call me any time. If I don't answer I might be walking, or tired of talking, but I will call back!

I love you and thank you for being you. And when I've kicked this thing in the ass, I sense a party!

xo

GOD said, "HA"!

I physically feel amazing. I've taken my life back, and am regaining ME! Not to brag, but I was recently referred to as a "thin bitch", which is a great compliment from my sister (the one we rescued at birth from the puppy farm). I will never be skinny (refer to the Jewish hips and thighs), but I am definitely BETTER. I am still a bit slow and not 100% from surgery, but it has been 5 months and I am closer to ME then I have been in a long time! I walk 15+ miles per week thanks to my darling friends, and I am so enjoying life...Ian is being pretty darned cute and quite lovely...

and then GOD said, "HA"!

The diagnosis is malignant melanoma. CANCER. You know my words to the doctor..."shut the fuck up" and, "you've so got the wrong girl".

So tomorrow I go to the Oncologist, and hope to schedule an immediate PET scan so that we can see that this shit is localized and that they can remove it and be done. I go to the Surgeon next Monday, after my San Fran trip.

Do not worry about me. Do not be sympathetic. Do not stress. I am going to kick the shit out of this thing, and then get on...with my life and with the 25k I had planned for August.

Just know that I appreciate all support, and that I love you all for wanting to help. If I don't respond, I'm hiding...it worked well this weekend!

NOTE: Credit to Julia Sweeney for the title of this posting!

Biggest Loser

I SO DISLIKE REALITY TELEVISION! Last season Juls sucked me in to Big Brother, but other then that, I don't do reality! I am very happy in my mindless world of fantasy! But last season I was at Crystle & Michael's, and they watched Biggest Loser...so I watched, but didn't get in to it because it was mid way and I didn't connect with anyone.

But I started this season from the first show, and that was all it took...that and Tivo to get me through the really slow parts! I like this show because it really is all about lifting people up. There is nothing evil or nasty or vindictive about it; it's all about improving lives, helping these people realize their potential and saving their lives! I LOVE THIS SHOW!

I totally connected with some of it, and watching them inspired me. I completely related to the 21 year old Dan when he described his "breakfast soda", the 44oz coke that he had for breakfast...not to be confused with the cokes he had all day long. Mine wasn't (always) the 44oz size, but it was something (and most of you know, I don't do diet)! Because of him, I have no b'fast coke...but my coffee intake is an embarrassment! My drive-thru Starbux kids know my order. And my previous 1-2 coke per day habit is down...if I have a coke, a 20 oz'er lasts 2 days!

It has inspired me to get off my (pre-surgery) fat ass! Well, that and my over-achieving friend Bucket, the marathon chick! With the girls (Bucket, Colleen, Teri), or with just me and the boys (Buster, Bruiser, Marley)...I am walking Balboa golf course (3+ miles) at least 4 times per week! IF YOU WANNA JOIN US, LET ME KNOW AND I'LL ADD YOU TO THE TEXT FOR TIME LIST! And because this is my blog and I can brag... I have lost almost all of the weight I've gained since being injured (18 lb), and am once again able to fit into my fav jeans! I feel great!

And last night Ian and I hashed out a very major problem, and peace once again reigns supreme in my world, for the moment.

Now I am working on getting past the slowness. I am frustrated that I still can't do...lots of stuff. That I lost 18 months+ of my life, and that it really has messed with my head. I try not to be angry, but it isn't always easy.

I think I am a better person, and more patient with the world. I still can't be patient with total stupidity and laziness, but beyond that...I'm working on it! I have slowed down, and truly realize how lucky I am and how great my life is. I know how blessed I am to have friends like you.

Thanks for listening to me ramble!

TWO LEFT FEET IS NO EXCUSE...

Have a Salsa dance lesson and help Bucket's fundraising efforts! The teacher, Alex, is donating all the proceeds to her fundraising.

Check it out... You don't need to bring a partner, as Bucket is sure many people there will be without one. Lesson fee is only $10, you really can't beat that. Doesn't it sound like fun!!! Come and take a Salsa Lesson with Alex D. Silva!

Alex Da Silva is skilled in Mambo, Salsa, Argentine Tango and Swing dancing. Da Silva is the 2002 and 2005 World Salsa Champion and has worked with Jennifer Lopez, Will Smith, Puff Daddy and Enrique Iglesias. He has choreographed commercials for Burger King and Coca-Cola.http://www.alexdasilva.com/. Someone mentioned that he was a choreographer for "So You Think You Can Dance", a television program.

Date: Tuesday April 8th - JUST SHOW UP!!!
Place: Madilyn Clark Studios10852 Burbank BlvdNorth Hollywood
Class Time: 7:00pm - 8:30pm
Lesson Fee $10.

$$$ TO FIGHT CANCER

This is my friend Bucket...she walks marathons! I know she walks because it's great exercise (and I LOVE walking with her, but am still struggling at 5 miles), but she also walks to raise money to help in the fight against cancer.

Bucket is having a raffle to help her reach her commitment, and has collected an amazing assortment of scrapbooking supplies! Please go to her website to donate:
http://www.active.com/donate/tntgla/give2thebucket and donate at least $5. For each $5 you donate you will be entered once. Donate $20 and your name will be entered 4 times, it’s that easy and all the money goes toward a good cause.

All donations must be made between March 31 and April 9th. Winner will be chosen on April 9th 8:00 pm Pacific Time. Winner will be contacted by email or go to http://www.active.com/donate/tntgla/give2thebucket after 9:00 pm on April 9th and the winner will be posted on the website.

Anyone can enter and your donation is greatly appreciated.

The following items are in this raffle collection:
2 Scarlet Lime Scrapbooking kits: February and March main kits; Tattered Angels Glimmer Mist 6 colors: Periwinkle, Cherub Pink, Sea Glass, Patina, Graphite, and Pink Ink; Maya Road Chipboard: Microchips Motif Buttons Neutrals, Fresh Chipboard Hearts and Bird Coaster Album; Bohemia Embossed Chipboard “Bliss” Shapes; Me & My Big Ideas – Glitter Chipboard-Dark Pink; Teresa Collins New Scrapbooking paper lines of Damask, Journal-it, Bella Girl, and Boardwalk; Making Memories 9x9 Coral Mini Album;7 Gypsies Seal Stamp4 mini composition books (3.5” x 4.25”); Thickers: Roller Rink and Platforms; Foo-a-la Savannah Glitter Chip Alphabet; Heidi Swapp Chipboard Kits: 3 Rectangles Grass-White, Jet-White, Icee-jet & 1 Circles Pink-Brown; Queen & Co Felt Fusion: Football-brown, Basketball-orange, Vehicles-red, Vine-black, Eggs-pink, Vine-green, Soccer-black, and Fish-blue; Queen & Co Felt Board – Bold Black and Pure Purple; The Craft Collection Adhesive Roller refill; Glitz Frosting – Yellow & Red; Bazzill Cardstock Strips- Chablis, Rio, and North Sea; 1 Team in Training T-shirt & a Scrapstrong bracelet.

Even if you don't scrapbook, please help Bucket reach her goal!

Thanks so much, and may none of you ever need to benefit from this fundraising! Love and hugs!

Today...

This is not actually the photo I was looking for...and FYI: that's Buster my Chi-jack russell with his chin resting on Marley, my lump-o-dog-poodle! But this will have to do as I send prayers and hugs to my darling friend and her family, who are pondering a home without a dog very soon. Though I haven't known him long, I loved him the minute I saw him and even more every time I pick him up! Thank you for sharing your little man with me, and thanks to him for the years of joy he has brought to your lives. Kiss him and love on him every minute you can...and then treat him to chocolate and give him the kindest gift of all. Know that I will be crying along with you, and that he knows he is loved. And please do believe that all dogs do go to heaven. xo

What Do You Want?

This was the question I asked Ian when he showed up at my work today with "sliders" from TJ's for lunch (the new TJ's at Ventura & Alhama opened today), and a bag that looked like it came from Scrapbook Safari.

He said, "I brought you lunch", and then he said, "I met Dawn and Vera"...how cute is that? Dawn helped Ian pick out some of the new pieces from teresa collins...she knows me, though she made a reference to 2-per and 3-per and Ian thought it was alien-speak! And he stayed for 10 min to visit, before running off to his OTHER home.

You know this melted my heart, and in the same breath made me wonder what the heck he had done, or what the heck he wanted... SERIOUSLY, if you've met Ian you know what I mean! But for today, or at least for the moment...my son has warmed my heart to the deepest level. I do love him always, though liking him is on a situational basis!

BTW: if interested, SS has all of the new Teresa Collins lines, and they're gorgeous! At CHA, I decided it ALL was coming home with me!

The First of Three...

I just got home from the Linkin Park concert, the first of my three concerts for this week. Have I ever mentioned that I LOVE Linkin Park? They are definitely in my top 3 or 4, but actually in my top 2! And every time I see them in concert, I love them just a little more! And even with Chester having been really sick the past few days, they were rock solid!

Tonight was special, because Ian and I took his best friend Pavlo to the show...his first big concert ever! It's so funny to think of a kid going to his first big show at 18, when Ian started at about 3, but I guess it depends on the entertainment tastes of the parents! And anyway, last summer-ish my sis and I took Mary, who is 23, to her first show.

The best was Ian...a group of guys next to us tried to start a mosh pit, so Ian took me by the shoulders and moved me to his other side; he stood firm, with arms crossed waiting for one of them to give him a reason to fight. He was so protective, and was constantly watching me to make sure no one bumped me...for as much of a shit as he has been, he does have a few positive qualities.

Thank you to both boys for being funny and protective and for talking about EVERYTHING in front of me...and by the way, girls don't really like being called those things...

L.A. Olympics 1984, and what comes after...

I have no photos for this one, because the thing that motivated me to blog was the end of something that happened in a different life, although it was definitely my life.

My sweet cousin Bethy called me tonight and said, "I have something weird to tell you, and you need to know that if you ask questions my answers will all be...I don't know." She told me, "Jon S_____ was found dead last night at the Beverly Hills Hotel."

He was the son of my dad's younger brother's oldest friend. He was 50 years old. We met during the Los Angeles Olympics, and had a brief and wild thing. It was the 80's and life was about the party...the never-ending party. It ended when I realized he was battling addictions and that living 3000 miles apart wasn't working for either of us, and that any woman in his life would always live in the shadow of his deceased mom. And sadly, I respected my almost-husband's request to not speak to Jon...this is a regret.

When I think of Jon, I think of the Beverly Hills Hotel. I think of the first night we met, at Morton's, and being instantly so comfortable we were sharing food. I think of the champagne bar that was in BH, that we used to frequent, but which I can't remember the name of. I think of Bruce Springsteen. I think of the most lovely NY restaurants and bars and after-hours clubs. I think of the Quilted Giraffe. I think of excess. I think of how different his life would have been if his mother hadn't died of cancer so many years ago. When I think of Jon, I remember good times...I remember sadness at the end, and I will always remember what a special man he was.

My heart goes out to the family, and to all who knew and loved Jon. However, he is now with his mother, and will truly rest in peace.

OBSERVATIONS

Are you wondering about these photos? What they have in common? The answer is so obvious to me...but that's because all of these represent things that ran through my mind this morning!

Ian called me to tell me about "Rob & Big", the television show, that is in the second week of the new season. He had to tell me about Spiderman on the show and the "net gun" Rob bought and them paying an Elvis impersonator and seeing Big on a Vespa...yada yada yada; it was just so freakin' funny! It reminds me that I have a great kid! That he is twisted like his mama, and that he has a great sense of humor and of himself. He, too, is a major work in progress! In February we will be returning to Weight Watchers!

On the way to work, on Ventura Blvd, is a drive-thru Starbucks...I hate them/ I love them! When I had to get out of the car and think about standing in line, it was just as easy to make coffee at the office. But no, they did it to make me realize I am the laziest person on this earth!

And the pedestal is part of a huge secret I can't share, but I can't completely ignore! Those who have known me long consider me the black hole when it comes to secrets! I take them seriously, and they go no where! Anyway, last night I learned something about someone I love, that made me want to put her on this pedestal. She has given someone I love an opportunity beyond imagination, and I must salute her in this very simple way. When this information is share-able I will, and you will understand to need for privacy. You are the woman I aspire to be.

Happy Wednesday! And to those of you who have off Monday for MLK's b'day...I hate you!

Back Surgeries or Lobotomy?

I know I had back surgeries...scars to prove it! But last night I did something I've not done EVER! I craved waffles!

Ian and I climbed into bed to watch "Ratatouille" after he ate dinner, and when it was over he had to go on to the next part of the evening (friend drama). I realized I was hungry, so went looking for something to fill the gap. I opened the freezer and there were Ian's Eggo waffles...so nothing I would ever even consider! I don't eat carbs on their own ever. I must have protein to satisfy me. I dislike sweets. But they yelled at me and I caved! I nuked the butter. I nuked the syrup. I toasted the waffles crisp. I poured a huge glass of milk... and I ate 3 waffles! I'm sure I've filled my waffle quota for the next 5 years, but OMG they rocked my world!

So I guess tonight I won't eat the brioche bun for my burger, just so I can eat ALL of the sweet potatoe fries!

Just wanted to share a little piece of me! xo

A WHOLE MONTH...

It has indeed been a month since my last entry, and I am a clear flake! Wow, even without work, life was hectic...or, oh yeah, I didn't have the energy to even sit at a computer!

Even with my aches and pains, my December was heavenly and I loved seeing my friends...and January started off perfectly.

Today is my first REAL day back in the office (planning 6 hours instead of the previous 1-2), and I'm swamped! Will blog later with photos and notes and a recap of a great month!

Just a quick happy new year hug and letting you all know tha you have been amazing, and that my friends are the gift I've worked 45 years to earn! I love you all!